He’s Not Spinning In His Grave
I’ve just returned from the cemetery, where I’ve confirmed that Mr. Flynn is not – as some might expect – spinning in his grave.
Our father was initiated into the Knights of Columbus on Tuesday, October1, 1946.
It’s easy to report the date: He went from Miami’s Jackson Memorial Hospital, where – hours earlier, my brother Michael entered the world, to his initiation.
The Knights were an essential part of our father’s life: Fourth Degree; especially proud of the fact that one “Council” he helped found was named “Immaculate Heart of Mary” after the IHM order that taught us in grade school (and high school for my sister Colleen); establishing a charitable fund that provided educational opportunities for a Catholic high school; joining other Knights and their wives in founding a special charity to raise funds for a unique residential and day care facility for kids and adults with cognitive difficulties.
The Knights were a huge part of our father’s life.
Having survived – and “survived” is an appropriate word - two sons with advanced degrees in Theology, Daddy was, in many ways, as traditional a Philadelphia Irish Catholic World War II Navy Vet as the Lord ever created. He hated Sunday dinner discussions of Theology when Michael and I got started. But he smiled broadly when hosting 150-plus folks – many complete strangers, more than a few ex-convicts and men in recovery – for Christmas Eve Masses at 7740.
In a Miami where racism and anti-Catholicism were on public display, Daddy wore his religion as a badge of Honor and Pride. And he loved the Missioners of the Church. Only the most foolish would ever criticize missionary priests and Sisters in his presence and they did so at their own perile.
It’s difficult to imagine our father’s reaction to the June 8, 2024 Albany Times Union obituary Linda Sargeant and her husband Edward prepared for her uncle, Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, lifelong resident of Rensselaer, member of St. John’s Catholic Church, Army officer and Vietnam War veteran and life-member of the Vietnam Veterans of America, retired Rensselaer Fireman, one of the owners and founders of radio station WHRL, and chef at the East Greenbush American Legion Post .He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from North American University and a second Bachelor’s degree in Business from SCU. Edward Thomas Ryan was a member of the NY State Agent Orange Committee for the American Legion, life-member and Past Grand Knight of the Rensselaer KofC. He retired from the fire department with the rank of Colonel with a seemingly endless list of commendations, honors and citations for his military and Fire Department careers.
As a final act of service, he was enrolled in the Anatomical Gift Program at Albany Medical College.
All of this and more was reflected in the obituary prepared by Linda and Edward Sargeant, whose editorial effort ended with “Edward wanted to share the following:”
"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life. I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I'll be buried next to Paul. I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."
“Ride the Sun. Ride the moon.
The wind, the clouds, the rain, the snow.
The dark. The light. The fog. The slime.
Strap yourself in. Don’t jump out.
Or you won’t get there.
Wherever there is, it is yours alone.
Roll.”
Ed Gallagher
About an hour’s drive north of New York City and originally constructed in 1885 and strengthened and expanded since then, the Kensico Dam is 307 feet high and 1,843 feet long and forms the Kensico Reservoir.
It was there, on March 1, 1985, that 6’3” former (1977-1979) University of Pittsburgh starting offensive tackle Ed Gallagher decided to roll over the side and kill himself. He became the first person to survive a suicide attempt at the dam, ironically – providentially (?) - saving a teenager’s life at the same time. (The younger man was there for the same reason, but Gallagher beat him to it and the student saved Gallagher’s life with a call for help to 911.)
Left paralyzed from the waist down and with limited use of his arms, he would be wheelchair-bound until his death in 2005.
Gallager’s attempt to kill himself by rolling down the Kensico Dam followed years of shame about his homosexual thoughts and came twelve days after his first gay sexual encounter, after which he attempted to establish physical relationships with women but was miserable and overwhelmed by a fear of HIV/AIDS and the terror that others might discover his secret.
In the hospital, he was belligerent, lashing out at every doctor and nurse who approached him, so they couldn’t help him. It was five months and the threat of losing one of his legs before he abandoned his self-loathing.
Gallagher found new purpose - creating Alive To Thrive, a non-profit dedicated to “promoting suicide prevention, emotional and sexual health, creativity and potential and the free expression and rights of all individuals.” A three-time author, he wrote about teenagers coming of age and struggling with their identity and what life was like as a gay, disabled man. In 1994, he wrote Johnny in the Spot, based on his experiences as a gay spinal cord-injured man; he also produced the collection Will I Live Another Day Before I Die: Thoughts on Suicide and Life and Roller Coaster Release – A Collection of Organized Chaos. He became a frequent and popular guest on television and radio and died of a heart condition on May 4, 2005 at his home in New Rochelle, NY.
Be aware of what happens in your brain when you read “’Bugler’s Dream’ by Leo Armaud, immediately followed by ‘Olympic Fanfare and Theme’ by John Williams.” It’s almost impossible to even read the titles without the music playing in our brains. It just happens.
Originally composed in 1958 by French-American Leo Armaud for his piece “Bugler’s Dream,” for 16 years this was the Olympic soundtrack in America. John Williams was commissioned to write “Olympic Fanfare and Theme” for the 1984 Summer Olympic Games in Los Angeles.
NBC hit gold in the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta (the first games hosted in the US since 1984), when they combined the two pieces.
Six-time Olympian and four-time bronze medal winner American equestrian athlete Robert Dover became the first openly gay athlete to compete at the Olympic Games in Seoul in 1986. Because many national teams have not been finalized at this writing, it is impossible to know precisely how many LGBTQ athletes will compete in Paris.
Already at least eleven members of the international LGBTQ community, including five American female basketball players, a male British 10-meter platform diver, a male and a female rower from New Zealand will compete in Paris. The Human Rights Campaign reports at least 34 openly LGBTQ athlete participated in the 2022 Olympic Games – nearly double the number of out athletes since the 2018 Pyeongchang Games. And OutSports reports, “At the 2021 Tokyo Summer Olympic Games, there were at least 186 publicly out LGBTA Olympians.”
Our father died in 1998, long before Edward Thomas Ryan and Ed Gallagher. He was Philadelphia Irish Catholic World War II Navy Vet to the core and he hated it when his sons, Michael and Skipper, discussed theology at the dinner table. But even though he protested and pretended not to listen, he did listen and his theology changed and he became an even more fully dedicated defender of those “radical missioners.”
I can imagine our father welcoming Ed Gallagher, who attempted to kill himself by throwing his body down the Kensico Dam, to Heaven and echoing the words of Jesus: “Well done, Good and Faithful Servant. Enter now the Kingdom prepared for you since before the World began. Abandon guilt and shame and fear and be at peace.”
I can imagine him offering the Knights of Columbus mystical, magical handshake and uttering the secret words of salutation and saying, “Well done, Good and Faithful Servant. Enter now the Kingdom prepared for you since before the World began. Abandon the weight of your secrets and be at peace.”
I can imagine our father watching as much of the Olympics as possible and not giving a rat’s ass about the sexual orientation and identity of any athlete.
In just a few weeks, the air will be filled with “Bugler’s Dream” and “Olympic Fanfare and Theme.” It’s time to put aside questions of sexuality and see people as people. Gravity and Evolution are not “theories.” Thinking men and women know they just are. It’s time to treat and respect others’ sexual orientation not as “gender theories” but simply as part of who they are, so they can live without fear and sleep in peace.
Especially for the Edward Thomas Ryans of the world – Vietnam Vets and heroes, for the Ed Gallaghers of our world, it’s time to stop judging and see and accept them and their secrets.
Please think about that whenever you hear “Bugler’s Dream” and “Olympic Fanfare and Theme.”